My last post touched on parenting, which led to the thought that most people don’t even know the type of relationships. Some people assume all relationships live in the same general group of issues. Boy, would you be wrong! Over the years I have had the pleasure to meet real people in some really surreal relationships. I would routinely say to friends that the issues that you are dealing with here are not routine issues and that they should start there with their partner to acknowledge this fact. It is almost like you have to hire a professional to deal with your issue, because you may not know how you got there and there are myriad natural ways to screw things up and no clue how to properly deal with the issue.
No, this is not where I send you to therapy. Most people won’t go anyway, so you have to struggle through on your own. However I have found that if you accept that this issue is a monumental issue and that you have been getting help from your partner to cope, then pause there, don’t rush to solve the problem just yet, but acknowledge that all hands are on deck dealing with the problem. Take time to figure out what the team needs, you are not there alone.
Couples dealing with jealousy, money management issues, family interference issues need not be concerned, these are routine relationship issues. The next level stuff comes from illness of a partner (various cancers), infertility problems, death of a child, special needs children or even parents. And the list is not exhaustive, but there is the real need to dig deep to be efficient and effective in this second group of issues, and its so easy to get it wrong.
I guess my message today is to know your group type, and take care of your relationships.